Coping with Grief During the Holidays: Practical Tips for Healing and Self-Care
Written by Corrinia Williams (Clinical Intern) | Edited by Olivia Price, LCPC
The holidays are often one of the most wonderful and joyous times of the year! From spending time with loved ones, to eating favorite foods, it’s a season worth waiting for. But for some, holidays may be the most depressing and disappointing times of year. Some reasons for this can be financial trouble, family disagreements, and harsh work-life balance. It can also be a reminder of ones that we lost during the seasons who are unable to celebrate with us in current time. According to reports, “U.S. adults are feeling joyous but overwhelmed this holiday season, as nearly nine in 10 (89%) say that concerns such as not having enough money, missing loved ones and anticipating family conflict cause them stress at this time of year, according to the results of a new poll by the American Psychological Association (American Psychological Association)”. With that, around 38% report that missing family or loved ones during the holidays have been a specific trigger for their stress. While there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays, there are some helpful tips we can provide to help with the stressful and downing mood and hopefully bring just a little bit of joy to this upcoming season!
Set realistic expectations for yourself: Remind yourself that every year is a stepping stone! Don’t feel pushed to continue prior traditions if you are not ready! Let others jump in and assist where they can (cooking, decorating, etc). Consider shopping by phone, Internet or catalog this year if you feel a need to avoid crowds or memories.
Surround yourself with people who love and support you: Share your plans with family and friends and let them know of changes in holiday routines. Memories can sometimes be a source of comfort!
Despite the temptation, try to avoid “canceling” the holiday: It is OK to avoid some circumstances that you don’t feel ready to handle, but don’t isolate yourself from the fun!. Make some time for solitude, remembering and grieving, while balancing it with planned social activities.
Allow yourself to feel joy, sadness, anger – allow yourself to grieve: It is important to recognize that every person has their own unique grief experience. No one way is right or wrong. Experiencing joy and laughter during a time of grief does not mean you have forgotten your loved one.
Draw comfort from doing for others: Consider giving a donation or gift in memory of your loved one. Invite a guest who might otherwise be alone for the holidays. Adopt a needy family during the holiday season.
Take care of yourself: Practice self care, meditation, and get some well needed rest that you could not get before the holidays! Also make sure to stay hydrated and stay healthy.
Also here a list of some healthy coping strategies to include your lost loved one in!
- Create a memory box. Fill it with photos of your loved one or memory notes from family members and friends. Ask young children to contribute drawings in the memory box.
- Make a decorative quilt using favorite colors, symbols, images or pieces of clothing/fabric that remind you of the person who died.
- Light a candle in honor of your loved one.
- Put a bouquet of flowers on your holiday table in memory of your loved one.
- Visit the cemetery and decorate the memorial site.
- Have a moment of silence during a holiday toast to honor your loved one.
- Place a commemorative ornament on the Christmas tree.
- Write a poem about your loved one and read it during a holiday ritual.
- Play your loved one’s favorite music or favorite game.
- Plan a meal with your loved ones’ favorite foods.
(Vitas Healthcare)
The most important tip of them all, is to remember to PACE yourself. Have fun, but also don’t feel guilty if you are not at the stage that others may be at who have lost loved ones in the past. No two experiences will ever be the same. Your loved ones will understand and will be ready for you when you return to your normal schedule. The holidays are what you make it, never feel the need to follow others schedule and norms, make it how you want it to be for what you NEED it to be at that time.
Resources:
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress