How to Care for a Loved One with Mental Illness
By: Corrinia Williams (Clinical Intern) | Edited by Robin Handy, LMSW
One important factor of mental health that I think people forget so often, is not just the effect it has on the person experiencing it, but those around them too. Families and friends of those affected by Mental Health are now navigating a new world. This world comes with many ups, but also many downs. From managing medicine, doctor visits, self care, therapy, crisis management, and so much more. It is a lot for even one person to handle, but it is something that comes with the territory. Now here are some things YOU can do to help your family member/loved one that is battling mental illness and how you can change their day for the better.
There are a few essential ways to help someone you know who is battling with a mental illness and I will explain some examples of how to carry them out:
1. Don’t try to second guess/diagnose them
While we all want to help in any way we can, it is not recommended to provide therapy and/or a diagnosis if you are not trained to do so. If you have any concerns regarding changed behavior and want to find a diagnosis, locate your nearest mental health specialist/counselor or their primary care physician for support
2. Let them share as much or as little as they want
Try not to make them feel like they HAVE to answer all your questions, they may not be ready yet and want to gain trust from you first.
3. Actively listen and Keep your questions open ended
Ex: How are you feeling today, why do you feel that way, What keeps you busy during the day when you feel down? It’s one thing to listen, but it’s another to pay attention. Note any changes that may be important toward their recovery. Note any mood changes, or any new thoughts they may have. Be empathetic. Repeat what they say back to make sure you heard them clearly. They want somebody to understand how they feel, not just have an ear to share with.
4. Create intentional time slots and work one-on-one with them on activities.
Sit down with them and work together on activities that may help with their coping skills. Keep them engaged in the conversation/discussion. Ask questions on how the activity makes them feel, does it help their behavior in any way? Notate any changes in behavior while they do the activity.
5. Know your limits
Not everything can be done, we are not superheroes. Don’t feel bad if you could not help or save them. Seek the appropriate support if a crisis is believed to be occurring and let them get the help they truly need.
Unfortunately, crises do happen and they can be very hard to manage/understand. Some ways to handle a crisis with your loved one are the following:
- introduce yourself calmly and clearly
- explain why you are there
- be polite and non-threatening but also be honest and direct
- listen to what they are saying in a non-judgmental way
- avoid confrontation
- ask them what they see as the main problem
- do not attempt physical contact, except to prevent serious assault or suicide attempts
- encourage them to talk to a mental healthcare professional
- follow up difficult experiences with counseling for yourself.
It’s hard. We all get it. But it is important to note that there is no right or wrong way to handle this. It is a learning process, and mistakes will be made. It is important to remain calm and handle the situation as understandably as you can. They want and need somebody to listen and support them, you have the power to be that person that they need. If it becomes too hard, don’t beat yourself up. As stated earlier, we are not superheroes. We can only do what we can do. If needed, there are a number of resources that you can turn to for support which I will provide below. Always remember,
“The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.” – Jonathan Harnisch
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.
If you’ve been impacted by a disaster and are experiencing emotional distress or other mental health concerns, you can also call or text the SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) Disaster Distress Helpline 1-800-985-5990.